This is an odd one for me to talk about today, as its something that said out loud for the first time yesterday. I was sat in the hospital with my nurse, the other day, who has been with me through thick and thin, when she asked me "Do you hate the pump?" I started to get upset and just came out with "no I hate my diabetes" the look of pure shock on her face.
The thing is I hate it because no matter how well I try and no matter how good I think I'm doing it is still wrong and I always get shot down for it, they will come out with things like "your doing good but there is still room for improvement" I'm sick of hearing that said to me, its not like I want them to show me with praise, I would just like for once to not shoot me down.
I also hate it because I feel so alone, I have people saying tome that they understand but they don't not really. I was having lunch with my friends at college on Wednesday and one of them said something to me, which mad me think. It made me think on how people look at me (I'm not meaning anything bad C***) I mean like people who meet me for the first time, or are just starting to get to know me. It's like people who treat me differently I don't like it. I want to be treat just like a "normal" person.
I have decided to seek out help so that I don't feel alone any more. I have been invited to a meeting in Leeds which I am going to, so that I can meet people like me.
I would like to take this opportunity to say thank you to my friends who although we have spats you are all still there for me and I love you all for that, you guys are my rocks. Don't know what I would do without you.
This has been a hard one for me this time, and I hope that you understand that although I am saying these things and I am feeling the way that I do. I wouldn't change who I am, maybe just how I look at myself.
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